Leaving behind memories
Leaving messages and memories can bring comfort to friends and family after you've died. But it can be upsetting for you and people important to you, so not everyone chooses to do this. This page has some ideas about leaving behind memories, if you feel able and ready to do so.
On this page:
Here are some ideas you might like to think about:
Make a memory box
You might like to create a memory box to pass on to your family and friends. You could fill it with things important to you, such as messages, photographs and special items.
Create a list of things you'd like to do, or would like others to do
You could create a list of things you'd like to do for yourself. For example, visit a place you've always wanted to go to. Or, you could create a list of things you'd like others to do. Like have a picnic in a special place together, complete a challenge, or listen to a certain song.
This might be inspired by your favourite memories, such as places you like to visit, foods you like to eat or special holiday spots.
One of our patients left a list of his favourite places for his mum to visit after he'd died. She drew huge comfort from visiting them knowing they had been hand-picked by her son.
Leave messages, keepsakes or gifts
Some people like to leave messages for those close to them. You could create video or voice messages, so those important to you can watch or listen after you've died if they want to.
Some people find it helpful to write letters or record messages for special future events for their friends and family. These could be handwritten, typed, or recorded in a different way. Some ideas include:
- writing cards for special birthdays
- writing out family recipes – you could add some memories of eating the special meals together
- writing letters or leaving gifts for significant life events such as weddings, going to university, getting a first job
- writing or recording songs
- planting flowers or plants for people.
It takes a while to get comfortable with the idea of making recordings for your loved ones. When your family comes to visit you, you might chat or play Bananagrams… But it’s often that time once they’ve gone, in the middle of the night, when you think of something you’d love to tell them.
Storing memories digitally
Leaving behind memories on a digital device is becoming more common. You might like to think about saving special photos, videos or music on a device or memory stick. Let people know where you've stored them so others can access them after you die.
Lots of people now have some social media or online accounts that contain digital memories. There are different ways you can protect and share your digital memories for each account.
Read more information on how to plan ahead for your online accounts.
Planning activities together
You might want to think about spending time with the people who are most important to you.
This could include visiting special places or doing activities that you enjoy together.
Spending time and planning activities with the people important to you can help create positive memories for people of all ages.
A memory is like leaving behind a special part of a person's life. I hold on to things my dad did, or wanted to do, as a bond I still have with him. It kind of brings him back to life for me.
Activities with children and young people
Spending time with children can help build positive memories for them to look back on. Using photos, videos, music, arts and crafts can be a good way to spend time together.
You could try:
- making a photo album together with notes about what's happening in the photos to help them remember later.
- creating a memory box together which could include photos and souvenirs from special days.
- making crafts together for the child to keep.
- drawing pictures of your favourite things to do together.
- writing stories about your favourite memories.
You might also like to talk about things from your past that you'd like to share with them. This could be your favourite food, where you've travelled, or your favourite subjects at school. You could ask the child to interview you and record this so they can watch or listen to it later.
Getting support
You might find some of these activities upsetting. You could invite someone you trust to join and give you some extra support.
Professionals such as social workers, spiritual advisers or counsellors might also be able to support you to leave behind memories.
To talk to someone on the phone, contact the free Marie Curie Support Line on 0800 090 2309* Or, contact the Support Line via email at support@mariecurie.org.uk.
Useful websites
MyWishes is a website that allows you to store your digital memories and wishes. It also has a feature where you can send a goodbye message to people at a time you choose. Find out more about the goodbye message feature on the MyWishes website.
Stories for Life is an organisation that can interview you, and record your stories in audio to share with your family and friends. Find out more about Stories for Life on their website.
The Swan Song Project is a charity that gives people living with a terminal illness, planning the end stages of their life, or dealing with bereavement, the opportunity to write and record their own original song. Find out more about The Swan Song project on their website.
Marie Curie's Online Community is a space where you can share ideas and connect with others. Read how others have planned to leave behind memories and share your ideas on our Online Community.
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About this information
This information is not intended to replace any advice from health or social care professionals. We suggest that you consult with a qualified professional about your individual circumstances. Read more about how our information is created and how it's used.
